How To Get Kinky
Wonder how you can spice sex up by getting your girl to perform your fetishes, in hot, slimy fetish sex (or cold, if that’s your thing)! How to bring up the idea so that she will be comfortable and find it enjoying and sexy?
A fetish is a personal obsession on certain object or situation. There is nothing right or wrong about this because every one of us has certain degree of fetish. But talking to your partner about trying some new sexual activity can feel risky, because you are both pushing the envelope of your current sexual relationship and at the same time revealing a sexual desire or interest that you may have never raised before. This is especially so in telling a partner about a fetish. We all feel some shame or embarrassment in exposing some of our unusual desires.
But having curiosity about other sex acts and desires to try new things is also completely healthy and can lead a relationship to grow in new directions. If you are thinking you do like to tell your partner about your fetish and not sure how to broach the subject with her, these tips may help.
Talk To Your Partner
The first step is to talk to her about sex in general. This is especially so if you and your partner never talk about sex. Just out of the blue asking her to satisfy your fetish needs may freak her out. You can start with some less contentious topics to establish some trust and safety first. Discuss with each other the turn-offs and turn-ons and assure her that you in no way are turned on by little girls. You might start intellectually talking about the meaning of fetish.
Before you have the first conversation you may want to imagine what you will say, and try different ways of starting the conversation to see which feels most comfortable (or least uncomfortable). To put your partner at ease with the topic, make sure to align it with aspects of her sexual self. For example, if she sees herself as “adventurous” in bed, then praise her adventurousness and suggest your kink as an adventure.
If you are not sure where to start a conversation you may want to turn to magazines, movies, or books that tackle the subject. There are many documentaries and even a few first run feature films where fetishes play a role. You might suggest watching a movie, or use a magazine article to start a conversation.
You can start by talking about how thinking about your fetish feels, or how it makes you feel if/when you include it in sex. You can casually introduce into the conversation that you enjoy role playing during sex. Or, you can also bring up a certain scenario and ask how she feels about it or mention it in an offhand way just to tread the water.
Pick The Right Time To Talk
Timing can make a huge difference in how a conversation goes about sex. If your girl is in the mood she will be more open to your suggestions rather than just hearing about them in any other environment. What is important is that you pick a time when you have some privacy and are not rushed, so you can both think about what is being said and how it feels before you respond. It is generally not a good idea to wait until you’re in bed or having sex before suggesting a significant sexual departure.
Reassure Your Partner
Sometimes partners are put off or threatened by trying something new because they think it “means” something about your relationship (that you are bored, that you are having an affair, that you aren’t interested in them anymore, etc.) Be sure to remind your partner before, during, and after you suggest something new that it is not just that you want to try this new thing with anyone, you want to try it with them. Highlight the fact that your partner is unique, special, and you desire to share the behavior as an intimate experience with her. That the reason you think it will be fun or hot is because it is something you will only be doing together with her.
Give Your Partner Time To Reflect
Your partner might find your fetish strange at first. They might not understand it. They might even be disgusted. This doesn’t mean that they will never come around. They may need some time to process not only what you have said but how they feel about it. Just as you are asking for understanding from them, you need to offer understanding and patience as they work through their thoughts and feelings. They may feel as if they need to respond in some definitive way to what you are telling them, but you can reassure them that this is a longer conversation, and they can take time to think about it and respond when they are ready.
Set Up Another Time To Talk
Putting pressure on your partner to try something new pretty much never works. You can’t force someone to want to do something, and even if they do it just to please you (or shut you up), the chances they’ll enjoy it are less than if they were doing it for their own interest or fun.
Therefore, before you end the conversation make some agreement about what happens next. This might mean setting a time to talk again, or agreeing that either of you can ask for a second conversation, or even agreeing to some set time when you don’t talk about it. What is important is that you give some thought to what you both need and respect that those needs might differ, but even so, it’s possible to compromise.
If you are the one suggesting the fetish, don’t expect your partner to make the first move. This mean you will have to get the appropriate accessories to ensure you carry things out properly. You may need costumes, restraints, paddles, rubber gloves, etc. so that your desires and requirements for sexual engagement are satisfied. You can either get these items at everyday stores or some online sex toys stores.
Start Small And Work Up
Most people do not typically jump into what is considered weird behavior. It is better to start with something a little taboo and then move on to other things that are even more taboo. For instance, if you are into foot fetish, perhaps you can start by buying her some stylish shoes and stockings and ask her to put them on, and then at the end of the night, help her take them off and offer to rub her tired feet. Few women can resist this. As you both become more comfortable with foot play, she can rub her feet in your face, or along your cock, or pinch your balls with her toes. Depend on her future level of comfort; you may proceed to licking her toes.
If you are a medical fetish fan, you ease your partner into it gently with the purchase of a seriously sexy nurse outfit which can be on the other hand, seen as an innocent game, that age-old cliché of doctors and nurses. And judge by their reactions how far they will be willing to go; you can proceed to progressively add in more props later. You never know, they may surprise you!
Sharing your fetish or fantasy with a partner can be a positive (and persuasive) experience. You don’t have to keep quiet. Just pick the right time to talk. Make your partner feel special and unique to share your desires. Align the request with her self-image. Do not pressure her to accept your suggestions immediately. Give her some time to reflect. Do flow up with further discussion to allow both of you to make room for compromise. Finally, start small and work your way up. Follow those steps and you both will reach kinky bliss in no time.